Choosing What Comes Next

I didn’t make a single bar of soap this week. In fact, I haven’t made one for the past two weeks.

Life has been happening.

And that’s OK.

Grief has a way of making me crave quiet. It’s in the stillness that I remember Mom—when she was vibrant and healthy, when she was sick and required full-time care, and all the pieces of her life’s journey.

How she shaped me.

The woman I am. The wife, mother and grandmother I am. The nurse I am.

And in the stillness and the quiet, Act III has been quietly moving forward too.

Tuesday night, I weighed the bars that are curing, recorded the numbers and put them back in the drawer. That was pretty much the extent of my hands-on soapmaking this week.

Looking at them all together, I realized there’s quite a bit of learning sitting in that drawer. 

Work has been… a lot.

But in the little pockets of time I’ve had, I’ve been reading recipes. Comparing ingredients. Thinking about what I’ve already made. And starting to ask a different question.

What soaps do I actually want Act III Co. to make?

I’ve tested several different recipes now and learned something from each one.

Gentle Shea: My first cold process soap. I learned the basics of soapmaking, worked with lye for the first time and got excited about the science behind it.

Milk + Honey: This one showed me the unexpected color reaction that can happen when lye and honey meet. It was also my first time working with milk in soap.

Bluebird Day: My introduction to natural color with indigo and to blending essential oils.

Sun Salutation: Two colors, my first attempt at creating a swirl and more practice texturing the top.

Lavender with Alkanet Infusion: I finally got to see what color that alkanet-infused olive oil would bring to the soap. A beautiful purple. So beautiful, in fact, that I immediately started a larger batch of the infusion.

I’m still enjoying learning, experimenting and playing with recipes. But ultimately, I want this to become a business with handcrafted soaps that I can offer for sale.

And one of those soaps will be created in honor of my mother, Mimi, and her journey with Alzheimer’s.

As I’m learning to understand curing times—usually four to six weeks—and beginning to feel the seasons changing, somewhere in the back of my mind I can see Christmas coming.

I’d love to have a small collection ready before then. Maybe even sell my first few bars.

And then this morning, my first bulk order of shea butter and coconut oil arrived.

I had to laugh. Apparently, five pounds of shea butter and a big bucket of coconut oil are what it takes to make me finally feel a little bit like a soapmaker. 

But cold process soap doesn’t care about my calendar. It needs time to cure. And I’m still learning.

So while I feel a little pressure from the calendar, I’m not going to let that take over my intention to be present. To enjoy the discoveries. To give myself space to grieve.

This weekend, I hope to get back into the kitchen and make another batch.

I haven’t decided which one yet.

But for the first time, I’m not just choosing the next recipe I want to try.

I’m beginning to choose the soaps I want Act III Co. to become known for.

That feels like a small shift.

Maybe even the beginning of the next chapter.