When the Weekend Gives Something Back

I wasn’t sure what to write about this week.

It’s been a week of being gentle with myself and recognizing that my emotional capacity in grief is limited.

I want to show up at work as my whole self. I want to be present and engaged in work that matters to me. But right now, that takes more effort than it used to.

I’m learning to recognize when I’m reaching that thin line.

Sometimes being gentle with myself looks as simple as taking a walk away from my desk when I begin to feel overwhelmed, frustrated or distracted. Giving myself a few minutes. Taking a breath. Coming back and beginning again.

For some reason, the weekend feels freer.

I can just be me.

And this weekend, that meant making soap.

I realized today that something has changed in this little journey of mine. For the first time, I’m not simply making someone else’s recipe and learning the process. I’m testing recipes I’ve formulated myself. I’m experimenting with ingredients. I’m creating essential oil blends with an intentional thought about what I want a bar of soap to smell like—and even what I want it to represent.

There is still so much to learn.

But today, standing in my kitchen measuring oils, taking notes, watching soap batter change and wondering how an experiment will turn out, I felt accomplished.

And grounded.

Lately, people have started asking me when my soaps will be available to buy. A few have asked me to let them know when they’re ready.

Every time someone asks, I smile a little.

Because this thing that started as an idea—a way to learn something new, work with my hands and imagine what my own third act might look like—is slowly becoming something real.

I’m not rushing it.

There are recipes to test, bars to cure, mistakes still to make and plenty more to learn.

But I’m excited about the path it’s taking.

Maybe that’s part of what I’m learning about grief, too. There can be days when my capacity feels very small, while at the same time there can still be something ahead that I'm looking forward to.

Both can be true.

Right now, I'm discovering my own version of slower living through soapmaking.

Something to create.

Something to learn.

Something to look forward to.

And on weekends like this one, when I have a little more room to just be me, that feels like enough.